Have you ever experienced a conversation that was so eye-opening it changed your life in a second? A few months ago, I spoke with a leadership consultant at my work. Honestly, it was more like a therapy session. She made one comment, one quote that changed my whole perspective.
Just because it’s how you think it should be, does not mean it’s the reality of what is.
Patti
You see, I’m an INFJ, according to Myer’s Briggs. My personality has high expectations for myself and those around me. INFJ’s also have this thing called a demand for justice. I kid you not. I can’t even watch a movie where someone is falsely accused. Of course, my past experiences also shape this part of me.
For the past five years, I have struggled with being happy. I was so focused on how I thought things should be I could not find contentment in my current reality. I was constantly hurt because I felt like my husband should adore me, my stepkids should treat me like family, my husband should treat me like family. I was in a downhill spiral of pain because nothing was as I thought it should be.
When Patti made this simple comment, it was like a light bulb went on. Actually, it was more like my brain exploded. She wasn’t trying to say that the hurt wasn’t there or even that the situations weren’t hurtful. She was trying to show me that when anything didn’t match up to how I thought it should be, I was unhappy or frustrated and had this dire need for justice. My entire focus was how I felt it should be instead of what it is.
This simple moment of understanding who I was and how I viewed my world completely shifted my perspective. I began to rewire my brain to focus more on the reality of my situation. I stopped telling myself this is how it should be to break the constant comparison of what was. Now, this didn’t erase the hurt associated with life circumstances. However, it did allow me to find contentment in my current situation. When you stop comparing something to perfection, it’s incredible how easier it is to cope with reality. I became less obsessed with how things should be and more accepting of how things are in life. To be clear, some things should flat out not be, which needs to change. I am not talking about these situations. I am referring to basic life stuff here.
Life can be messy, and sometimes we have to accept that is just the reality of life. When we stop comparing it to perfection, it makes life a whole lot easier!
xoxo,
Shelly
